


She Tells His Story

by TheBlubberingFangirlIsHere



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'm sorry ahead of time..., also first fic, angsty, sadnessssss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlubberingFangirlIsHere/pseuds/TheBlubberingFangirlIsHere
Summary: Eliza goes through the five stages of grief after Alexander's passing.





	1. Denial

1

Denial

“Are you sure you’re ready to go?”, Angelica rubs Eliza’s back. Eliza rises as her sister stands up. Today is Alexander’s funeral, it’s a day Eliza still can’t believe is here. When she went to sleep last night she saw Alexander in her dreams. She woke up and she was right next to him in bed, like he was everyday. She cried, and Alexander held her in his arms. It felt so real, his strong arms around her waist, his strong voice comforting her, the smell of vanilla and grass, and his lips against her head. He told her everything was okay. She wanted everything to be okay.  _ But nothing is. _

“It was just a dream. I’m right here honey, there’s no need to worry”, Alexander rocked her in his arms as his whispered to her. They rocked  _ back and forth, back and forth _ , over and over. He hummed a small melody, it’s a song she’d grown used to.  _ Best of wives and best of women _ , the melody he’d sing when she woke up to him working through the night. He always worked, day and night, he never stopped. Eliza can still picture Alexander sitting at his desk near the warm glow of the candlelight. That’s when he looked the handsomest, Eliza has always thought that. The shadows would dance on his face perfectly, just enhancing how handsome he was. Candlelight and songs sang throughout the house, they’re all things she’s expected from her husband. The house seems so empty without him, everything seems drabber. Like the life was sucked out of the house when he died. Everything he touched seemed to be glowing with the same lively light he had. The children still run around the house, laughing, crying, singing. John and James have been checking on her. Eliza finds it funny. The children she cared for and micromanaged are doing the same for her now. Though she’s not sure why, she’s already been through one loss. When Philip died she didn’t think she could live through it. She could feel her heart breaking every time she walked past his room, it still has his furniture, she can’t bring herself to get rid of it. She used to sleep in his bed, it always smells like sunflowers. Alexander was right he shone brighter than the Sun, so of course he would smell like sunflowers. Alexander was always right.

“Eliza?”, Angelica asked. Eliza looked up from her hands.

“About as ready as I can be”, Eliza laughed dryly. Angelica rubbed Eliza’s back again. Angelica has been doing this more and more, if feels like she’s trying to comfort a baby. She should know more than anyone else that pity hurts Eliza. She doesn’t want pity, she wants people to mourn for the dead. She wants people to be able to tell her that they honestly understand how she feels. Angelica nodded and walked her out of the quiet house. Crickets chirp all around them, that’s another thing that Alexander was right about, it’s quiet uptown. Eliza looks up at the sky, she sighs. The sky is grey and cloudy.  _ How fitting _ Eliza thought.

“Hopefully it won’t rain today”, Angelica looked up wearily at the sky. Eliza nodded. That’s all she could do. She was afraid if she spoke again she would burst into tears. Angelica furrowed her brow and shook her head.

“Oh honey…”, Angelica sighed. “I can’t even begin to know how you’re feeling.” Eliza smiled tiredly at Angelica. She knew that nobody could know how she felt, she wasn’t even sure how she felt. Most of her was sad beyond belief, but an ugly part of her didn’t care. This was a man that cheated on her, the man that broke her heart. But he was also the man that asked for forgiveness. His look of helplessness and desperation swayed Eliza’s heart. It’s something that she’s never regretted since she forgave him. When she gave him the gift of forgiveness he tried ten times harder to be a good husband. He started helping with the cleaning and would even cook from time to time. But still that ugly part of her still existed. She pushed these thoughts aside and walked into the carriage. The horses were ebony black, they were award winning twins. At least that was what John said.The carriage is painted white with a black awning. The inside was extremely luxurious, it was John and Angelica’s best carriage, the seats were purple satin, with silver rivets. Angelica got in and sat next to Eliza. She held her hand, stroking the back of her hand with her thumb. This isn’t new, it’s something she’s always done, even since they were children. John hopped into the carriage, sitting across from his wife. They were all dressed in black. Eliza was wearing the same dress she wore to Philip’s funeral. 

\------------

They get to Trinity Church early. The church is large with a big clock tower. All of the other buildings pale in comparison to Trinity Church. Eliza chuckles to herself, of course Alexander’s funeral is held in such a big building. He was giant among men, not physically (obviously), but he made everyone seem small and insignificant. He was always the loudest in the room. He stood for what he believed in, he yelled his thoughts from the rooftops. It’s gotten him in trouble, but it was something Eliza always loved about him. 

“I think we should go in and see that everything is squared away”, Angelica placed her hand on Eliza’s back again, snapping her out of her trance. 

“Alright”, Eliza looked down at her hands again. They went inside and the inside is just as spectacular as the outside. Angelica started to talk to one of the organizers. Eliza felt numb and uninterested, her eyes started to wander. There was a big stain glass window that depicted doves flying to the heavens with olive branchs. There was a platform for the minister, at the front, surrounded by flowers was the casket. Eliza’s mouth went dry. She felt tears start to pool in her eyes. Before she knew what she was doing she was walking toward the casket. The world seemed to go in slow motion as she walked down the aisle. She could vaguely hear Angelica calling her name, but her body didn’t stop to listen, she just kept going. She reached Alexander’s casket and she looked down. She couldn’t feel anything, she couldn’t believe this was real. It must be a dummy, Alexander can’t be dead. He was here to touch and hug and kiss just days ago. He had lived through so much, a hurricane, a mother-taking illness, a war, but Burr is the thing that took his life. This can’t be him, the man lying in front of her looked so similar, but felt so different. The funeral home let his hair down, just the way Eliza always liked it.She loved how his raven-black hair curled by itself, how it felt against her skin. Everything about it. His face looked the same too, but something didn’t seem to be there. Like the color was gone, the bright happy glow he had just days ago was gone. Eliza noticed something fall on Alexander’s face. She reached down and wiped away whatever it was, it was wet. She lifted her shaking hand to her cheek, it was wet too. She hadn’t realized she was crying. She was silent, she couldn’t say anything. She reached down to her husband again.  _ If it didn’t feel like him it couldn’t be him  _ she told herself _. _ She took a strand of his hair and ran it between her fingers. Her stomach sank. It brought memories with the touch. _ A late night, the candle was still lit. She had just carried Alexander to bed after he fell asleep at his desk. She was looks at his chest rise and fall with his breathing _ . Her whole body started to shake as she remembered.  _ She remembered sitting up and placing his head on her lap.  _ She wanted to stop remembering these painful memories.  _  She ran his hair through her fingers. It felt so soft. So so soft.  _ She wanted to wake up and find her husband right next to her, asleep and smiling. God, what she would give to see him smile again.  _ He started to stir in his sleep. He sleepily opened his eyes at Eliza. He smiled and stroked her cheek. “Why are you still awake?”, Alexander cooed.  _ What she would give to hear his voice one more time.  _ “You fell asleep at your desk again”, Eliza replied. Alexander smiled at her. “I love you”, he said, you could still hear the sleep in his voice.  _ What she would give to hear him say that one more time.  _ He propped himself up and kissed her.  _ What she would give to have one more kiss. What she would give to have one more day with him. Eliza snapped out of her trance to Angelica shaking her.

“Eliza.  _ Eliza _ ! Listen to me”, Angelica was yelling. The staff and the few guests were staring. She looked around, the world still felt unreal. Like the whole thing was just some big joke.

“I-I’m sorry. It’s, it’s just that. That it doesn’t make any sense”, Eliza says blearily. Angelica pushed back Eliza’s bangs.

“Love, it won’t make sense for a while. But are you sure you’ll be able to do a speech. If not, I can speak for you”, Angelica asked. Eliza shook her head. Eliza has practiced her speech over and over again. She’s learned not to come up with speeches on the spot, she did that for Peggy and Philip. Both were utter train-wrecks. She broke down in the middle of Peggy’s, but somehow finished. She was a blubbering fool for Philip’s, going from a forced word to a sober in mere seconds.

“Eliza!”, her name was called from the front of the church. It was her father, with his cherry colored nose and big powdered wig. Philip Schuyler ran up to her daughter and embraced her without a word. Eliza buried her face in his shoulder. He smelt like hay, probably from feeding his horses. Philip stroked her hair, he hugged her tighter.

“I’m so sorry honey. I’m so sorry. You’re so strong”, Philip muttered into Eliza’s ear. Eliza was still crying, she dug her face into her father’s jacket. She felt like she was a little girl again. Like all of this was just some long nightmare and Philip had woken her up. It reminds her of those countless nights of fever dreams as a child. 

“So, so sorry”, Philip whispered, it was just loud enough that she could hear. She pulled away from her father and wiped her face. She turned to Angelica and pointed at her makeup. Angelica wiped a bit of eyeliner in place and nodded her head. She watched as people filtered in, casting longing glances to the casket every few minutes. Soldiers under Alexander’s lead came and told her stories about him during the war. Hercules ended up taking a break from his job so he could come to the funeral. He told me about memories he has about Alexander, they were really sweet. One time Alexander was a mannequin for a wedding dress Hercules was making from a woman. Alexander was fuming the entire time, but luckily he didn’t move to much so he only was poked by a needle twice. How he talked Alexander into doing that is beyond her. Lafayette just happened to be visiting America, so he came for the funeral. He was crying hard, Lafayette may seem like a  hardened, scarred-by-war kind of guy, but he’s actually soft and emotional. James Madison and Thomas Jefferson even had the decency to come. Eliza was surprised they did. They hated Alex so much. They spent so many days and nights fighting with Alexander. But they actually said really sweet things. 

“We may not have gotten along that well, but I do have to admit, he was a good politician”, Thomas said in that nasally, better-than-you voice. Madison agreed.

“Yes, he was. When we worked together we could get anything done. And he stood up for what he believed in”, Madison added. 

“More than you can say for some people”, they exchange glances and Madison coughs nervously. Eliza was about to ask about what they meant when a voice boomed in the room.

“Hello? Hello everybody, we would like to start the ceremony now, so if you could find a seat”, the minister called. He was short and had snow-white hair, he was balding and had these huge glasses that covered half of his face. Eliza and Angelica hurried to the front row. The front rows were reserved for people who would be talking during the funeral, family members, and close friends. Angelica, John, James, William, Eliza jr., Alexander jr., Angelica jr., Philip Schuyler, and Eliza all sat in the right front row. Lafayette, Hercules, John Jay, soldiers Alexander was close with, and men he worked with the banks on were all on the left front row.

“We are here today to grieve for the loss of a very special man. Alexander Hamilton. He was a husband, a father, a son, a friend, a leader, a man responsible for helping mold America.”, the man looked around at everyone. Angelica squeezed Eliza’s hand. Eliza took a deep breath, her heart was pounding out of her chest. 

“Such a great man did not deserve to leave us so early. He was just starting to make a difference in this country. Every move he made changed another person’s view.”, the man coughs roughly. Eliza looks up up from her feet.

“He will be dearly missed from this world. Today we will be having three people close to him come and speak”, the man said quickly. “First will be-”, the man looked closer at the sheet, “Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette?”, the man phrased Lafayette’s name as a question. Lafayette stands up. He still has tears in his eyes. He steps up onto the podium and clears his throat.

“Alexander Hamilton. How do I even begin to talk about him? He was an amazing man. I remember him walking into the pub the first day I ever met him. He seemed to small an reserved. Which I obviously did not guess right”, Lafayette joked. His accent is thick and his laugh is light. Eliza laughed. She felt the same when she first met him. At that winter ball, it felt like yesterday. He walked in and Eliza’s heart skipped a beat. She remembers that when they first started talking she was mystified by his eyes. He was so much quieter than she’s grown to know.

“But when he was calling out uh-”, he clears his throat, “Burr. Uh, I thought “What’s up with this kid? What’s he gonna do? But now I know better. He was a blast to work with. He was an amazing commander, I remember asking George to bring Hamilton back to the war, I’m not quite sure Eliza appreciated that, but he did end up helping us”, Lafayette looked at Eliza with a small smile. “But man could that guy prove his worth. Dang, he always said “There’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait””, He laughs dryly. “He sure did a million things. I heard about his passing the day after. I-I was so surprised someone like -Burr- could end him. It’s a shame, feels like it was only months ago that John, Hercules, Burr, Alexander, and I were sitting in the pub downing glass after glass- I-”, Lafayette’s voice falters. “I just wished I h-had more time with him”, Lafayette is starting to cry. A tear streaks down his face and falls on the podium. He’s trying to smile but he couldn’t. Eliza stood up and walked him back to his seat. Her hands are shaking. She knelt down in front of him, holding his hands tight.

“Thank you so much for talking. I hope we can get through this”, Eliza whispered to Lafayette as Hercules was called to the podium to speak.

“Hello, uh, Alexander was one of the best friends a guy could have. He had an answer for everything you asked him. He was smart, and he was never indecisive, so you could always ask him advice for anything. He wasn’t only smart but he was a hard worker, I’m sure Eliza can confirm this, but he would stay up until five in the morning doing work. It was crazy to seem his scratch away on those papers.”, Hercules looks happily down at the podium. “Though he might’ve made some bad-well terrible- mistakes the man was great. He created a beautiful family with his wife. He became a Lieutenant Colonel, was George Washington’s right hand man, and he started America’s banks. The man was non-stop”, Hercules laughed to himself.

“Sometimes I wonder if the man always knew how much of a difference he would make in the world. If he knew he’d shape America. I like to think he knew, that it was just his plan all along. That man was a force to be reckoned with. It really is terrible what happened. It’ll be a long time before the world forgets his name”, Hercules sighs and walks off the stage. The minister hurries to the podium and reads the next name.

“Eliza Hamilton”, the minister reads from the sheet. Eliza took a shaky breath and stood up. She started to walk up to the podium, she felt all of the eyes following her. She looked out at everyone, then at the podium. She played the speech one more time in her head.

“My husband was a loving man, he cared about his family immensely. He was a strong leader and, much to my dismay, did what his heart told him. Through all of the mini heart attacks he’s given me over the years, and some heart breaks, he was loving husband. Though we had some hard times I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. One of my favorite things about him was his little songs he would sing. Through sadness, happiness, success, defeat, and work he would sing little songs. One of my favorites was this little tune.  Best of Wives and Best of Women ”, Eliza sings the last part in the small melody she knows by heart. His voice plays in her head. “After Philip’s death I-I remember him begging for forgiveness and his sad puppy-dog eyes. I think that’s what won me over. I remember walking in the park, it was always long after dark, we would walk and take in the sights of the city”, a hot tear rolls down Eliza’s face. “I remember sitting in the garden, side-by-side, I would take his hand and he would ask “Eliza, do you like it uptown? It’s quiet up town” I’ve always loved the quiet. At least the solemn moments Alexander let me have”, Eliza chuckles to herself. “But now that it surrounds me, it’s there every corner I turn, I hate it.”

“Sometimes it feel like we’ve lost another amazing person, but I can promise you, he did  not throw away his shot.”, Eliza’s voice cracks when she says shot. Her cheeks are stained with tears, she tries her hardest not to shake. Angelica grabs her arm and pulls her off of the stage.

 

The rest of the funeral is a blur to her. People tell her they’re sorry and how sad they are about Alexander’s death. All of them are just being polite. She can tell. The mourners are ushered out after about an hour and the staff starts cleaning up. Angelica is talking to one of the men in charge, telling him to take the flowers to the carriage. Eliza walks back up to Alexander’s casket. She looks in at him. He looks so…peaceful. He hates peacefulness. He always needed to be doing something. Eliza wonders what Alexander would be doing right now if he was alive. Would he be writing again? Would he be playing with the children? Would he be walking with her? Two men come up from the side. The first smaller man grabs the handle of the casket.

“Excuse us ma’am we’re going to take Mr. Hamilton to the back to bury him”, one of the men, the one with glasses, moves to shut the casket.

“Oh”, Eliza responds. She can’t say anything else, she isn’t sure how she can. She watches as the men lift the casket onto their shoulders. They start to make their way down the aisle. Eliza watches. Then she realizes what they’re doing. Her mind goes into panic mode. Her adrenaline starts to race. And before she knows what she’s doing she’s hurling herself at the men.

“WAIT NO! NO DON’T TAKE MY HUSBAND! HE’S ALL I HAVE! PLEASE DON’T! NO! NO!”, Eliza screams as she runs to the men. She latches onto the smaller man’s arm.

“I SAID DON’T TAKE MY HUSBAND! HE’S THE ONLY MAN I’VE EVER LOVED! DON’T TAKE HIM! PLEASE NO! PLEASE DON’T!”, Eliza is pulling on the man’s arms. The man is teetering and trying not to drop that casket. Angelica runs up and grabs Eliza by the waist. She pulls twice and they fall on the floor. The men take the incentive and start to quickly run away. Eliza is trying to push her way out of Angelica’s grasp.

“PLEASE! NO! DON’T! I LOVE HIM! NO! STOP!”, Eliza is in tears. Angelica is trying to calm her down.

“Eliza, it’s okay. It’s okay, he’s in a better place now. It’s okay”, Angelica whispers. Eliza starts to quiet, tears are streaming down her face. 

“Don’t take him, I love him. Please don’t not my Alexander”, Eliza cries weakly into Angelica’s clothes. She’s huddled up into a ball and leaning into Angelica. Her voice is wavering and breaking.

“It’s okay, it’s okay”, Angelica was whispering it over and over into her ear. 

“Please, no. No”, Eliza whimpers. “Don’t take Alexander.”


	2. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza goes through the five stages of grief after losing Alexander.

2

Anger

“Did you see how the actors looked at one another? They really looked like they were in love!”, Angelica gushes. John laughs and agrees. Eliza is sitting on the other side of the room looking out the window. The sky is cloudy. Eliza finds it comforting, like the world is crying with her. Like the world knew how she felt.

“And that plot twist! Who would’ve seen the brother trying to kill him!”, John added. Eliza looked over at the two of them. A happy marriage, or at least that’s what it seemed like. Being married to Alexander opened her eyes, now she knows that not everything is as it seems. Eliza’s tired of hearing the happy banter, that ugly part of her is mad. That ugly part doesn’t want anyone to be happy. The ugly part of her resents them for having their happy marriage. Eliza stands up and opens the door to the hallway. She’s angry at everyone she sees. Every other founding father gets to grow old, why not Alexander? What messed up type of justice is this? It’s not fair, he was just starting to make a difference. Why can’t Alexander grow old with her?

“Eliza, where are you going?”, Angelica calls from the couch. Eliza has wanted to go through Alexander’s office. She needs to, she needs to clean it. He might’ve worked hard but he sure wasn’t organized. That was something a lot of people were surprised to find out when they visited the house. Eliza would always joke and say he was a genius train-wreck. It always made Alexander laugh. His laugh was so beautiful.

“I’m going to use the restroom”, Eliza answered. Angelica nods and smiles pitifully. Oh how Eliza hated that look. She hated it more than anything. 

“Okay, love”, Angelica answers. She went back to talking to John about the play. Since they were in town they decided to visit a theatre. They watched some play about a man killed by his brother. Eliza passed on watching it, Angelica was nice enough to take the children, so Eliza had the house to herself. This damn quiet house. Angelica’s lack of response at Alexander’s death still boggles her. She thought they were close, Angelica cried as they watched the life drain out of his body. As he said his last ‘I love you’ to Eliza. But she hasn’t cried since. It makes Eliza mad. 

As she entered the hallway she heard the kids as they were about to turn the corner. She waved at the children running down the hallway. The house is so quiet, even with the giggling children. Eliza realizes that the little one’s don’t understand what’s happening. They don’t realize that they’ll never see their father again. They don’t understand why their mother has been crying so much. She smiled as the kids turned another corner. It felt like it was just yesterday that Alexander was chasing after them. Smiling and laughing with the kids. He really was great with the kids. That’s another thing Eliza has always loved about Alexander. As the children get farther away the silence fills in. She always liked the quiet before, but now that it chases her wherever she goes. It’s that hideous reminder that Alexander is gone. That reminder he’s not coming back. She never realized how much Alexander added to the house. He was the person that made her feel alive, now that he’s gone she’s not sure who will. She opens the door to Alexander’s office. It still smells like him, the smell she loved. That small scent of vanilla with a hint of grass. She looks around the room. It feel like the ghost of the past is haunting it. Everytime she walks past it she has memories flood back into her mind. She can remember walking in and seeing him working at the desk. The candle flickering at his side. She can still remember draping herself over his shoulder and whispering into his ear to get to bed. She can still remember his response. He would kiss her cheek and sing. Everytime, without fail. Those songs made the house so loud. So warm and inviting. She never realized how much he added to the house. Now that he’s gone it feels like it smacks her in the face every night. She sat in his chair. The one she’d seen him in every night. She looks up at the ceiling. It feels like he’s still here. Like he never left. She gets back up and opens one of the several cabinets. She fishes out mostly old letters to men in the war, George’s responses to his pleas to go back to war. She laughs at a line in one of the letters “Hamilton, I need you alive. Your wife needs you alive.”, George always watched out for Eliza. He knew how hard it was on Martha and didn’t want Eliza to feel the same. He was a good man. She can still remember how heart broken he was when he they received the news of his death. Another letter, at the bottom of the stack is Lauren’s death notice. Alexander cried so hard when he found out he died. He said that he died in vain, he didn’t realize the war was over, his life’s work went down the drain. Alexander realized how lucky he was to be alive after that. Now only if Eliza could find that mentality. She looks over the edge of the top drawer. Something else is at the bottom of the drawer. It’s a white box with a small light blue ribbon tying it shut. She grabs is and looks at it. She brings it back to Alexander’s desk and sits down. Carefully she unties the ribbon and lifts the boxes lid. She reads the letter. The handwriting is so familiar. Her heart starts to beat faster. She smiles to herself and flips through the letters. They’re her letters, all of the letters she ever wrote to him. She couldn’t help herself from tearing up. He saved her letters too. They letters she always loved to write. She can remember sitting, waiting for the mail to arrive. When it did she would take it and find Alexander’s letter. He could make anyone fall in love with his words. They were always so beautiful and heartwarming. She put the letters back in and tied the ribbon back over the box. She hugged it to her chest and placed it back on the desk. She opened the next drawer. It was payments he made. Her stomach turned at the memory of some of the more...risque payments he made. She decided there was no reason to go through those and went to the next drawer. There was drafts of some of the things he was working on before the duel. There were pamphlets and rules he was working on. She even found a small pamphlet about Philip. Her heart ached from reading it. He said he would trade his life for Philip’s in a second. She closed the drawer and knelt to open the bottom drawer. She opened the bottom drawer. It was letters from the war. They were from people like Laurens, Lafayette, Hercules, and even a few from Burr. How could Burr, the man that never had any particular stances is the man that took her husband’s life. The man that was Alexander’s first friend, ended up killing him.  She picked up the letters and set them on the table. She read through some of the letters and laughed at the jokes Alexander encased in them. She smiled and picked the stack up again. She walked over to the filing cabinet and put the letters away when she noticed something at the bottom. It was a black box that almost matched with the bottom of the cabinet. She set the letters on top of the cabinet and picked up the black box. She turned it over. The box had worn edges. She pulled the top off. Her heart felt like it stopped.  _ My Dearest Alexander. _ The handwriting. It was Angelica’s? She kept writing.  _ In a letter I received two weeks ago, I noticed a comma in the middle of the phrase. It changed the meaning, did you intend this? One stroke and you consume my waking days! It says ‘My dearest Angelica’, with the comma after dearest, it reads ‘My dearest, Angelica’ _ Eliza couldn’t understand what was happening. A thousand explanations run through her head. She looks at the letters. Each one with another questionable phrase. My dearest Angelica. My dearest, Angelica. Each starts with these. His dearest. Angelica? Why would she do this to her? Why would she knowingly do this? Why? Her mind feels clouded.

“A-angelica?”, Eliza whispers to herself. A hot tear rolls down her cheek. It lands on the letter,  _ dearest. _ Angelica. His dearest? Her heart feels like it’s fracturing. Eliza stands up, her brain is working a mile and minute. Her body feels numb and tingly. Her brain clears up from the confusion, but it’s quickly replaced by anger. Her blood begins to run hot. She grabs the letters and storms into the living room.

“Angelica outside. NOW”, Eliza yells. Her brain isn’t functioning right. Anger can make anyone it’s prisoner. Angelica squints at Eliza, like she doesn’t understand what’s happening.

“Wait? Why?”, Angelica stood up and put her arms to her chest like she’s protecting herself. She looked at Eliza confused. That ugly part of Eliza is taking control of her now. She felt like she was recoiling in disgust and anger.

“I said NOW!”, Eliza yells back. Angelica flinches slightly and looked at John. John looks between the two women and stands up slowly.

“I’ll be back in a few seconds, John”, Angelica motions John to sit back down. She walks towards Eliza, she has the look of a mother trying to calm down an angry toddler. She reaches for the letters in Eliza’s hand. Eliza rips them away from her grasp and points to the door. Angelica looked at Eliza confused and offended.

“Outside.”, Eliza seethed. Angelica looked at John and shrugged. They walked outside. Eliza glared at Angelica. Eliza holds the letters out to Angelica. Angelica looks at the letters, and carefully takes them out of Eliza’s hand. Angelica looks through the letters. She realizes what she’s reading and her face turns to one of worry. She freezes and looks up at Eliza. She’s met with a cold glare from Eliza. Angelica looks back down to the letters.

“What the hell, Angelica?”, Eliza yells. Angelica looks up at Eliza, she looks like she’s the victim. That just makes Eliza more angry.

“It’s not what it looks like, Eliza!”, Angelica reached out to grab Angelica’s hand. Eliza pulled her hand away. Angelica goes slack jaw at Eliza’s apathetic look.

“Then what is it? To me it sounds like you were cheating with my husband!”, Eliza yells. She’s so frustrated that she’s starting to cry. But she doesn’t care, she’s too angry to care. “What is it, Angelica?”, Eliza yelled.Angelica closed her mouth. She looks like she’s trying to decided what to tell Eliza.

“He d-”, Angelica starts. Raindrops start to sprinkle. One catches in Eliza’s eye and she wipes it away. Eliza’s blood is running hot, is she really trying to blame this on only Alexander? Is she blaming Alexander for this? 

“This wasn’t only Alexander! You choose to cheat too! You’re my sister, we’re supposed to help each other! But you decided to cheat! I can’t believe you!”, tears are streaming down Eliza’s face. Angelica is starting to tear up too. “You’re my sister! You knew how much I loved Alexander! How could you?”, Eliza cried. Angelica started to shake her head, she starting to tear up too. The rain starts to pick up.

“Love, no it’s-”, Angelica grabs Eliza’s arm. Eliza steps away from Angelica.

“Don’t touch me”, Eliza spits. “Don’t touch me”, she repeats. Angelica looked at Eliza with so much regret in her eyes. Her curly brown hair is sticking to her face.

“Eliza, I’m, I made a mistake. I’m sorry”, Angelica rubs her eyes. Eliza’s eyes are stinging from a mixture of tears and the rain falling into her eyes. She feels so betrayed her heart is pounding out of her chest. The sound of her heart pounding in her ear and the rain almost overpowers Angelica’s voice.

“You’re only sorry because you were caught”, Eliza cries. “You would’ve stopped if you were really sorry. But you didn’t, did you?”, Eliza can’t hold back her sniffing. Angelica doesn’t respond. She just looks at Eliza. She has the same look that Alexander had when she told him to burn. It’s a mixture of sadness, betrayal, and regret. Eliza backs away.

“Did you?”, Eliza demanded. Angelica just looked down at the letters. The paper is wet and soggy, and the ink is running. 

“I-I did after the Reynolds Pamphlet”, Angelica looked back up at Eliza. Eliza shakes her head and used her palm to push back her bangs.

“So you stopped, because you were afraid you were going to be the next Maria?”, Eliza yelled. Angelica furrowed her brow.

“No, I stopped because I saw how much it hurt you”, Angelica looked down at the ground. Eliza laughed dryly. She shook her head.

“I can’t believe you, Angelica”, Eliza shakes her head back and forth slowly. Angelica reaches out but just lets her hand hang.

“Did you really think cheating wasn’t going to hurt me? Of course it was going to”, Eliza looked up at the sky, she felt the cold raindrops fall on her face.

“You’re one of the kindest people I know. I-I was just was caught up in everything Alexander was”, Angelica took a step forward. Eliza backed away again. Angelica took a deep breath.

“I loved him. You do know that?”, Angelica’s voice steadies. Eliza looks at her siste. She feels surprised, but still she feels disgusted with her sister. “I fell in love before you. You realize that right?”, it was Angelica’s turn to look angry. 

“He came up to me at that winter ball. That’s how I could talk to him so easily. But I could tell how hopeless you were and wanted you to be happy. So I introduced you”, Angelica yelled. “I made you happy. I did what a sister was supposed to do! I still loved Alexander even when you too got married. I gave up my happiness for you”, Angelica shouts. Eliza pushes her palms into her eyes in a feeble attempt to stop crying. Eliza laughs to herself. 

“That doesn’t give you the right to betray your sister”, Eliza mutters. It’s just loud enough for Angelica to hear. Angelica’s face twists into regret. 

“I’m sorry”, Angelica says again. Eliza looks down at her feet. She’s standing on one of the flowers William planted. She can still remember that day. Alexander was kneeling down with William and helped him plant it just right. She can still remember him looking up at her and smiling. She moved her foot and knelt to the flower, she tried to fix it but it just sagged to the ground. She killed one of the memories she had of Alexander. Every memory she has needs to be treasured. 

“I didn’t tell you because I know you’d just give up. You’re one of the kindest people I know and I know, you would let me have him. And of course you’d say you’re fine, but you’d be lying”, Angelica takes a step forward. Eliza is starting to shake from the icy rain. Eliza covers her face and sobs. Angelica grabs her upper arm and brings her to the bench near the front door. 

“I just want him back”, Eliza sobs. Her anger has melted into sadness.

“I know, it’s okay”, Angelica soothes into Eliza’s ear. Eliza rubs at her running nose. Eliza’s shoulders are shaking from crying so hard. 

“Why?”, Eliza pleaded to no one in particular. Angelia smooths Eliza’s wet hair. Angelica hums to Eliza and rocks her back and forth. Angelica listened to all of Eliza’s plights and her feelings.  Angelica started to cry mid-way through the conversation. They went between comforting to crying every few moments. Angelica and Eliza sat in the rain crying. Crying over the betrayal. Crying about the stress. But more than anything, losing Alexander. Why couldn’t he grow old?


	3. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza goes through the five stages of grief after losing Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kind of struggling to write for bargaining. But I think I did a passable job? So sorry if there's like "stale" parts, I was kind of confused as what to write.

3

Bargaining

Eliza watched as shadows danced along the wall. The candle is still lit, she can’t fall asleep and her nightmares start to seep into the darkness so she just keeps the candle lit. Eliza was sitting on her bed, staring at the walls. She’s playing the memories of Alexander in her head again and again. Remembering the little quirks that made her fall in love with Alexander. His terrible sleep schedule, his temper (oddly enough), his drive, that dumb smile he gets when he knows he’s right. All of those things most people would find unappealing are some of the things she fell in love with. She turns over in her bed, to where Alexander would normally have been. She lets her mind visualize Alexander laying next to her. She remembers every last detail of him. How long his eyelashes were. How bright his skin always looks. Peggy used to say she was jealous of how clear his skin was. How his hair would frame his face when he slept. She can still remember the last time he was laying there. It was a day before the duel. He didn’t tell her what he was going to be doing the next day. He probably knew that she wouldn’t allow him to go. He probably knew she couldn’t take another heartbreak. What if he had told her? Would he still be alive? What if she had found Burr’s letter and stopped him from going? Would he be lying next to her right now? Would she be able to reach over and stroke his cheeks? If she had just asked. If she had just noticed what he was writing, would still he be able to play with his children? Eliza pushes the thoughts of what could’ve been out of her head and thinks about what was. Her favorite days were the ones where is would take a break, even if it was just for an hour. They would always sit in the living room, that’s where the most light was. She would sit and play blocks with Little Phil and Elizabeth. While Alexander played with William and John. They would all laugh at the silly things Alexander did and said. John would always try to out talk Alexander, he would always lose. Once Eliza told Alexander to go easier on him, but he told her that John wasn’t going to go anywhere by getting the easy way out. She always laughed at his response. It’s been three weeks since Alexander died, and Eliza has been wondering more and more what she could’ve done to help Alexander. Maybe if she told him not to tell his stance on the candidates Burr wouldn’t’ve gotten mad at Alexander. Eliza could’ve stopped it. Alexander could still be with her and the kids. A single tear rolls down her face. Alexander always let his emotions take control, if she had just kept a closer eye on him. Alexander would still be alive. She took her hand and kissed the top of it. Alexander always did that. It was one of the things that first won her over. He was so smooth, her cheeks would always go red just thinking about some of the sweet things he’d do for her. But soon she was crying again. What if she hadn’t told him to burn? Would he have told her what was happens? Would he have thought she could handle it? Would he still be here. Would he be here to kiss and hold? She starts to imagine Alexander’s bright smile. How his eyes would light up, and you could almost see all of his teeth. When you saw Alexander smile you would want to see him smile all of the time. Like you would do anything to see him smile one more time. It was one of the most beautiful things in the world. Eliza loved that the man she was married to could smile like that, and the laughter that accompanied it. She loved how contagious it was. She would start to smile when she heard it from the room over. It always sounded genuine and melodic. It was one of her favorite sounds. It was the sound that made her happy when she was sad. It could always do that, no matter what. Even after she found out about Maria, when she heard Alexander laughing with the children she smiled in spite to herself. Another tear runs down her face. She still can remember how it felt when Alexander wiped a tear away from her cheek. His soft skin wiping it away. He was so soft. She heard the door click open behind her. As the door creaked open she sat up and wiped away her tears. She looked down to see Little Phil standing at the door.

“Mommy, I heard you crying so I came to check on you”, Phil said meekly. Phil turned two a month ago. He had his father’s dark hair. They tied it into a small ponytail at the nap of his neck. He has those wonder-filled brown eyes Alexander had. Alexander’s eyes was another thing she loved. She never believed brown eyes were pretty. She grew up around other girls with bright blue eyes, and she always thought her eye color was drab. That is until she met Alexander. His eyes were always felt warm and inviting. Eliza smiled at her son. She patted the bed next to her and Phil climbed up on the bed to sit next to her. Phil even had that glint in his eye, just like Alexander. Eliza has tried to explain to Phil what happened to Alexander. But Phil just can’t wrap his head the concept of death. He can’t understand that Alexander isn’t coming back. Eliza couldn’t even remember anything happening when she was two years old, so she doesn’t expect Phil to Alexander. But Eliza won’t let Phil forget about him. She’ll anything she can to tell his story. She’ll show him pictures of his father. She’ll tell him what an amazing man he was. The great deeds he did for America. She’ll tell him how much he loved this country.

“Thank you honey. I-I was just thinking about Daddy”, Eliza cooed. She took Phil’s hand and rubbed the back of his hand. Phil looked up at Eliza. She can tell he doesn’t understand why she would be doing this.

“Why were you thinking about Daddy, Mommy?”, Phil asked. He looked up at Eliza worriedly. Eliza smiled at her son. He looked so worried.

“I was thinking about how much he loved all of us”, Eliza sets Phil on her lap. She tousles his hair and he frantically tries to fix it. When he finishes Phil looks at Eliza like it’s not making any sense to him. She doesn’t blame him. She isn’t quite sure either. Maybe if she had done something he would still be here, and she wouldn’t have to be explaining all of this to Phil.

“But Daddy said he was going to play army with me when he got back home. But he’s not here, where is he?”, Phil hugged Eliza. Eliza smiles weakly down at her son. People always thought that adults were better at telling when someone were upset, but Eliza didn’t believe that, at least not after she had Philip. When Philip was a child he could always tell when she was upset, and he would always come to comfort her. Eliza thinks that children are more intune with other people’s feelings than adults; adults only care when they’re affected too, but children are selfless and will care no matter what.

“Daddy’s in a better place, honey”, Eliza hugs Phil closer to her chest. The only reason Eliza said this was because it was that cliched line that everybody said. She didn’t believe that though, she thought the best place he could be was down on Earth making a difference again. Phil looks even more confused by this. He looks up at Eliza, his bangs are falling in his eyes.

“But isn’t being home with us that best place he can be?”, Phil asked. He was starting to tear up. The look of desperation and concern on Phil’s face made Eliza tear up too. Phil and Alexander were close before the duel. They played army whenever he could. He would always sing Phil little songs as they played, he always told him they were things he would think when he fought in the battles.

“It is, but Daddy had to leave early”, Eliza’s voice broke as she explained to Phil. “The angels needed him up in heaven. They called his name and he followed.” Eliza’s cheeks became tear stained. Phil looked puzzled. He looked down and looked back up at his mom. Phil looked up at the ceiling, then back down to Eliza; it’s like he was looking to the heavens for an explanation.

“Won’t the angels give Daddy back?”, Phil’s little cheeks are marked with tears. Eliza smiled wistfully at her son. She wiped away another tear track on her cheek.

“They won’t, honey, I’ve already asked”, Eliza wiped away the tear from Phil’s cheek. The way Alexander wiped her tears. “I’ve already asked”, she whispers again.

“But I want to see Daddy again”, Phil whimpered. Tears were streaming down both of their cheeks. Phil buries his face into Eliza. She kisses the top of his head.

“So do I, honey”, Eliza cooed. Phil’s shoulders are shaking. Eliza starts to hum a song. Phil looks up, he knows the song by heart too.

“Ooooh Philip, when you smile I am undone. My son. Look at my son, pride is not the word I’m looking for, there is so much more inside me now”, Eliza sings quietly. Phil joins in. He sings just like his father.

“Ooooh, Philip you outshine the morning sun, my son. When you smile, I fall apart. And I thought I was so smart. My father wasn’t around, but I’ll be around for you”, Eliza’s voice broke and she cupped her mouth. Phil stopped singing and hugged his mother. They cried, arm in arm for a few seconds. Phil stopped crying.

“Mommy, I want to see Daddy again”, Phil sobbed. Eliza ran her fingers through her son’s hair. His nose was running, he probably looked better than Eliza right now.

“So do I”, Eliza whispers.


	4. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza goes through the five stages of grief after losing Alexander.

4

Depression

 

Eliza walks through the empty hallway, the house seems so dead without Alexander. Everything in Eliza’s life has seemed so lackluster since Alexander passed. Her laugh hasn’t been as lively. Her smile has been forced. She’s walks the length of the city everyday. She walks with the kids, showing them all of their father’s favorite sights. Everyday for the past three weeks Eliza has been visiting Alexander’s grave, some days with the kids, some day by herself. There’s a pile of flowers and bouquets around Alexander’s grave. Before Lafayette left America he stopped by Alexander’s grave and left a full bouquet of forget-me-nots. When Eliza got to the gravesite she saw it and noticed a small note.  _ We’ll tell the story of that night. _ Eliza’s been doing things she and Alexander did together. When Philip died Alexander and Eliza would walk the city almost everyday, now she’s doing the same for Alexander. She looks at the portraits of Alexander and cries. As Eliza walks down the hallway she passes Alexander’s office, she stops and looks into Alexander’s office. She can still remember seeing Alexander scribble away on his work. He always looked so determined when he was working, it’s like you could see the gears in head turning. Some nights Eliza would sit in his chair and cry. Eliza has been crying more and more. Angelica has started to notice, so when she can she tries to be with Eliza. Angelica is worried about Eliza, she’s afraid she’ll do something brash. But Eliza wouldn’t do anything, she has children she needs to live for. She wouldn’t dream of breaking her children’s hearts anymore. Eliza continues to walk to her bedroom. She stops and looks at the family portraits on the walls. There’s three all in finely engraved frames. The first one is a portrait of Eliza and Alexander, it was painted right after their wedding. Alexander was wearing his favorite emerald green jacket, with his hair down. The painter was brilliant, they captured the life in Alexander’s eyes. How Eliza loved Alexander’s eyes. That winter ball was filled with so many memories. Eliza can still remember when they first made eye contact. That bright light in his eye. The next painting was of Alexander, Philip, and Eliza it was painted when Philip was twelve years old. Philip was smiling so brightly that his cheeks hurt. He had to take a break in the middle of the painting (while the painter was working on Eliza) to massage his cheeks. Alexander found it extremely funny and the painter had to tell Alexander to stop moving. Eliza smiles at the memory of Alexander’s laugh. It was so light and bubbly. The last portrait is the whole family, it was painted last year, a month after Phil turned one. Alexander had his arm around Eliza, it’s another thing she’s been missing. A single tear trails down Eliza’s cheek.

“Oh Alexander…”, Eliza sighs sadly. She reaches up to the portrait of the two of them and places her hand on Alexander’s chest. She sighs again and her hand slides limply off of the portrait. Eliza turns and wipes her cheek. She walks into her bedroom and looks around. The room seems so dark without Alexander working late into the night. Was it always this dark? This cold? Eliza sits on her bed and stares at her hands. Alexander is all she can think about anymore. He haunts her thoughts, dreams, and everything she does. You never realize how much you love someone, how much you  _ need _ someone, until you lose them. Eliza looks at the walls of room, the candle’s shadow dances along the walls. Eliza suddenly stands up and walks toward a small wardrobe. The wardrobe is wooden with engravings that are painted gold. The wardrobe has a big open area that holds Eliza’s clothes, and two drawers beneath it. In the top drawer she holds her shoes, but in the bottom drawer she holds her favorite things. She holds a small fan that Peggy gave Eliza for her thirteenth birthday. It’s dainty, the sticks and rivet is pure white, while the fabric is a light blue floral pattern with lace along the edges. Another object she keeps in the drawer is a small silver necklace given to her by Angelica. The chain has a silver chain, and the pendent is a small circle with a tiny tree with fake diamonds on the leaves. It was really beautiful, she treasured it ever since she’s had it, but the chain broke so she can’t wear it. Most of the things in the drawer were given to her by Alexander, though. One of her favorites things is a sonnet Alexander wrote for her in the early years of their marriage. When she first received it Alexander insisted she played it on the piano. She did and he was smiling the whole time she played, with that beautiful glint in his eye. When she was finished he hugged her from behind and told here how great she did. She also placed all of his letters in the drawer, there were so many that she had two stacks of letters, she saved every letter he wrote to her. Some of the letters had burnt edges and others are just ashen scraps of paper, while she completely lost others. She regrets ever burning those letters. She cherishes those letters now. She takes one of the stacks and slowly thumbs through the letters. Eliza loved the letters, it still makes her feel like she’s a girl with her young love for a mysterious immigrant. She remembers when she read the letters. The words flooded her senses, the sentences left her heart defenseless. He built palaces out of paragraphs, he built cathedrals just for her. How she loved these letters. They remind her of how much they loved each other. Eliza kneels on the ground and lays all of his letters around her. One-by-one she picks up the letters and reads them. Her eyes sting from the tears welling up in her eyes. She picks up one of her favorite letters, it was written when they first got married, while Alexander was away at the war. The letters were the things that kept Eliza sane.  _ I have told you, and I told you truly that I love you too much-You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of anything else-You not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep-I meet you in every dream-and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetnesses _ . Alexander was so good with words, his words won her over. At that winter ball Alexander’s words won her over in an instant. 

“If it takes a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it”, Eliza whispers to herself. It was the thing that kept her awake at night, she kept replaying that phrase over and over again in her head. Eliza’s heart hurts, it feels like it’s breaking. How long will her heart have to fracture until her heart officially breaks? _ My partial heart still returns and clings to you with increased attachment-you become dearer to me every moment-I am more and more unhappy and impatient under the hard necessity that keeps me from you, and yet the prospect lengthens as I advance _ . Eliza reads a letter sent to her a month before Alexander came back from the war and tears fall faster and faster down her cheeks. What would’ve happened if he had just taken a break? He could still be alive. He wouldn’t’ve been so controversial. 

“I just wanted you take a break”, _Eliza whispers to the room. You should’ve just taken a break, you should’ve gone upstate with us,_ Eliza thinks. _But you had so much on your plate, you couldn’t take a break_. _You would’ve loved it._ _We went to that big lake, and Philip accidently fell in. He was drenched Angelica and I were laughing so hard. When Angelica went to help him up Philip pulled her in too. Then Angelica came and pulled me in. We could've pulled you in too._

“You should’ve taken a break. But you wrote like you were running out of time. Did you know you were running out of time?”, Eliza whispered, her voice was shaking. “Why didn’t you tell me you were running out of time? I could’ve helped you. I could’ve helped. We could’ve made more memories”, Eliza pretended like she was asking Alexander, craving for one of his long and detailed responses. Her question was met with silence. If only Alexander was here to respond. If only Alexander was here.

“If you had just stayed you could’ve done so much more for the world”, Eliza murmurs. He could’ve helped build America even more, he could’ve lived a long life. But he ran out of time, though in that short time he did so much. He worked so hard, he left his mark on America and our country has him to thank. He worked through every problem he had, fixed the problem, and enhanced it. He really did write like he was running out of time. 

“What would you do if you had more time?”, Eliza asks the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really short, but like, I don't know I thought I'd make it short and sweet!


	5. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza goes through the five stages of grief after losing Alexander.

5

Acceptance

A warm wind blows through Eliza’s hair. She unlatches the gate’s door, the gate glinting in the sunlight. The gate creaks open and she shifts the bouquet into her other hand. She looks over the grave yard, a few grave stones have been added since the last time Eliza visited. Eliza zig-zags her way through the graveyard. She finds Alexander’s grave stone, and looks it up in down. She blows a quick to Philip’s grave, then looks back to Alexander’s. Eliza likes the small pyramid on the stone. Angelica said that it looked ugly. But Eliza thought it was oddly enduring. She bends down and places the bouquet, they’re daisies, on the ground. One time Eliza and Alexander went on a walk when they first got married. It was a really bright day like today. The trees overhead were shading them, and the bushes were up to their waists. Alexander was talking about the war, George, and how he was going to make a legacy for himself. But mid-sentence he noticed something and reached out to grab it. Alexander turned around and handed Eliza a daisy. 

“For you, my darling, because your beauty can only be rivaled by nature”, Alexander handed her the daisy and they continued to walk. It was another of her favorite memories of Alexander. She looks at the plaque on Alexander’s grave. She loves the engraving, Jefferson wrote it. Angelica knew he was a good writer so she paid him to do it, Eliza thought it was a bad idea, but it ended up being beautiful.  _ The patriot of incorruptible integrity. The soldier of approved valor. The statesman of consummate valor. Whose talents and virtues will be admired, grateful prosperity. Long after the marble mouldered into dust. _ Eliza leans forward and kisses the plaque. She stands back up and takes in Alexander’s gravestone. Eliza looks around to see if anyone else is near. Nobody was in sight. 

“Hello, my love”, Eliza smiles to the grave. She’s grown used to talking to the grave. She finds it funny when people are at the graveyard and someone hears her talk to nothing. They look confused and concerned, but end up just shrugging and walking away. When she first started doing this she was embarrassed, but she decided that if she liked it she shouldn’t care what people thought. Eliza brushes away some dirt from the marble.

“I have some good news today”, Eliza leans against the gravestone. She places her hand on the stone. “I’ve decided I’m going to put myself back into the narrative. I’ve stopped wasting my time on tears. I’m telling your story. I’m telling people about how great of a man you were. People ask me how I could ever _ try  _ to satisfy you. I tell them that I knew you couldn’t be satisfied, but loving you was worth the pain. They ask me how I reacted when you broke my heart and if I was sane to forgive you, I always laugh. I don’t think people would understand even if I explained it.”, Eliza gazes lovingly down to a few other bouquets set on the ground. 

“Oh! I’ve started speaking out against slavery. I remember talking to Laurens about how unjust slavery is, the look he had, jeez it could rival your determination. Some people are mad, but you’ve taught me to stand up for what you believe in. You get nothing if you wait for it.  I’m also raising funds for the Washington Monument, it’s to commemorate George’s service for our country. I’m telling George’s story. People come up to me and ask me about George and his integrity, he has so many admirers, even years after his death. I hope you have admirers like her had. I’ve also started interviewing hundreds of men, the soldiers who fought by your side, to find out more. To find out what you did during the war. The stories always make me proud, your men really respected you. I’ve started reading all of your writings”, Eliza chuckles to herself, “You really  _ did  _ write like you were running out of time.” Eliza slides her fingers down the warm marble. She’s grown use to the stone against the pads of her fingers.

“Every morning I wake up and ask myself ‘What would you do if you had more time?’ and it helps me get through the day. It makes me want to work like you did”, Eliza smiles to herself. Alexander’s drive inspires her so much. He always worked (much to her dismay), day and night. She places her hand in her lap and smiles at the gravestone, talking to the grave  makes her feel like Alexander is sitting with her. When she’s conflicted she comes to the grave stone. She pretends like she’s debating with Alexander, he always wanted what was best for her.

“But my most exciting news- you’ll be so excited- I’m trying to found the first private orphanage. I’m so excited! I want to help children in need. I want to give them the chances you had! I want them to know that no matter what background they come from they can leave their fingerprints and rise up”, Eliza exclaims. She leans back and places her head on the pyramid. Alexander always called America the great unfinished symphony, when he was frustrated with work. He would break down, he would resent America for letting him make a difference. Eliza would tell him “You are growing your legacy, you should be proud America choose you to make a difference. It always seemed to cheer him up.

“Alexander, I miss you so much”, Eliza whispers, “You could’ve done so much good in this world”, Eliza closes her eyes and tries to remember the little details of Alexander. Those dimples he got when he smiled. That light in his eyes. His voice when he tried to calm her down. His smell. That dumb smirk he’d get when he knew you were going to lose a fight. His laugh.

“But I’ll tell your story”, Eliza promises. 


End file.
